


Roy's Biggest Mistake

by Thatonepersonyeah



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Pre-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 09:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15531714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatonepersonyeah/pseuds/Thatonepersonyeah
Summary: The story of how Roy loved, maybe too much





	Roy's Biggest Mistake

Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes were stupid and in love. This was just a fact of their lives. Maes, the optimistic man that he was, wouldn’t let Roy be too down on himself, and Roy, forever the pessimist, never let Maes expect ridiculous and improbable things. Maes would not allow Roy to deem them impossible, because ‘well you just never know.’

The love Roy had for Maes was fierce and protective. One could almost say it was a sharp love, not a bad or overwhelming one but fierce certainly. Maes’ love was soft, slightly hesitant but still strong. Roy’s love could withstand death- Maes’ could weather almost any storm.

When they started dating Roy didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, he was still learning Alchemy and thinking about maybe going into the military. Maes has his heart set on saving as many people as possible, he saw the military as his way of doing that. They didn’t know they were both looking at the military but finally they made a decision. They had been dating for two years by this time and Roy was content, Maes couldn’t have been happier.

Roy knew the military would not allow him to be out, but since he was just going to be the one going he could handle it. When he found out Maes would also be joining he was crushed. His heart felt cold and he was suddenly afraid. He couldn’t do this. Not the man he loved. To even think about the possibility of Maes standing by his side and for some reason Roy cannot protect him and Maes dies. Roy was sick even thinking about it, let alone being in a situation that could result in that.

Maes knew something was up with his boyfriend, but he couldn’t quite place what. When they broke up a few weeks before their first day at the academy he realized exactly what Roy was thinking.

“Okay,” Maes’ voice shook as he tried not to cry in front of the man he loved. “Roy I understand why. Please just, stay my friend please.”

Roy just nodded, the rain falling around him made it seem like he was crying but Roy doesn’t cry in front of people. Not at his foster fathers funeral and certainly wouldn’t be crying now.

Roy walked home crying in the rain. To rip his own heart out like that, to protect the man he loved, was the worst pain he had felt in his short life.

They remain friends, it’s tense for a while because if he’s honest Roy still is deeply in love with Maes. These feelings will pass, right? Is the only thought that keeps him from begging Maes to take him back, he can’t do that to himself or Maes.

Three months into the academy Maes gets a girlfriend. Roy spends two full days crying and mopes for another eleven. His Maes, no longer his Maes. Worst of all Maes doesn’t even notice how heartsick Roy is over him. Really though why should he, Roy broke up with him.

By the time they graduate and are shipped off to fight in the Ishvalan war, Maes as a soldier and Roy as a weapon, Maes and his girl are engaged. It’s been years since they dated, things between them aren’t tense anymore but goddamnit Roy still loves him. Still loves the way he smiles, his laugh, his stupid horse jokes about Roy’s last name, he still loves every stupid tiny detail about this man who he forced to walk out of his life because he was afraid.

They fought side by side in the war. Maes saw the monster inside Roy and that killed him every day he had to wake up and look into the eyes of the man, that for whatever reason he still loved, and know that this man saw the evil inside him. That’s when Roy really knew his decision, however painful for him, was the right one. How could anyone, let alone wonderful and amazing Maes, love the monster this war had made Roy.

The nightmares would still wake him years later, usually ones about him aiming wrong and hitting Maes. Occasionally he would just see the thousands of eyes, that belonged to those he killed, judging him for his crimes. He would also hear the voices of those whose lives he burned short. Like a careless spark near dry grass, truly the monster he had branded himself.

How Maes and Riza could still call him a friend confused him. Riza was the only other from his past that knew what he was, and she still watched his back and trusted him to watch hers. Their lives were torn apart by the war, but the damage they had done was unmeasurable and uncomparable.

Maes was married in the spring, Riza and Roy both stood by his side. Riza the only one who knew that each second he was at the wedding Roy wanted to scream. After all these years and the pain they all had been through he still loved Maes. Watching him promise to be another’s was awful. Roy stayed quiet though, he wouldn’t ruin this for Maes, no matter how much it ruined Roy to stay quiet and smile, just smile. No rain to hide any tears this time, no tears allowed.

Riza saw how hard the wedding was on Roy, especially once the ceremony was over and he drank like he didn’t know what alcohol was doing to his body, to his soul. Riza didn’t drink that night, she had to make sure Roy stayed somewhat composed. She was on strict orders as both his lieutenant and his friend to keep him from destroying the years of work he had put towards hiding how he felt about their friend. She saw his feelings tearing him apart and knew there was nothing she could do to remedy the injuries. She drove him to his home that night, while he sat in the back talking loudly about how sorry he was for pushing Maes away. His desperate cries broke her heart and she hoped that someday Roy would allow himself to love someone who could love him back.

Roy spent two days moping about his lack of composure. Maes didn't notice because he was on leave for his honeymoon. Roy had never been more grateful for stupid traditions and had never been in more debut to Riza for being kind to him. Roy didn't know what he would do without her by his side, he didn't deserve her. Roy was determined to make it up to her. He was also determined to try to fall in love with someone else, just so this awful pain would stop hitting him every time he saw Maes.

Riza was horrified by Roy's actions in the following weeks. He spent the next two weeks going out with any guy he could. She knew he didn't care for any of them, and really she wasn't sure if he knew their names half the time. He wouldn't listen to her, and she let it go on longer than she should have but when Roy came into work in the clothes from the day before and hickies covering his neck she knew she had to step in. She wanted to get Maes involved but figured that would make the situation too volatile.

“Colonel Mustang!” she walked into his office with no semblance of a plan, just pure impulse and nerve. “I'm worried about you. Sir.”

Roy looked affronted, probably feeling like this was an attack rather than a rescue mission. “Excuse me lieutenant?”

“You're being reckless Sir,” she pause waiting to see if he would interrupt her. He didn't so she continued. “You have told me that you don't want Lieutenant Colonel Hughes to know your feelings. Well he knows something is amiss and will be confronting you soon.” Riza didn’t lie, Hughes knew something was wrong but he wasn't going to confront Roy unless he thought someone's life was at risk.

It would have been better if Roy had yelled, or dismissed her. His quiet nod and then placement of his head onto his desk was more than she could handle.

Riza was right, he was being reckless and stupid. What were these one night stands doing to help his feelings towards Maes. Nothing, except maybe make them worse. To think that Maes was worried as well made Roy laugh to himself, because why would the man who moved on still care for the one who was stuck in the past. A past only bitter because of the actions he had done. Maes Hughes deserved better, he had gotten better, and Roy wouldn't allow him to think Roy was still hurting. Even if he was, Maes didn't need to know.

Roy threw himself into his work. A year went by with no life changing events. His days were all the same; go to work, talk with Maes and Riza, go drinking with Maes- not too much- then go home and try (then fail) to sleep. Repeat. Just as Roy thought that things might be okay regarding his feelings towards Maes a life changing event happened.

Mrs. Hughes was going to be having a baby. A little girl. Maes was over the moon and couldn't stop sharing pictures and stories about his beautiful wife and his baby.

Family. Good, it's what a good man like him needs. What I couldn't ever give him.

Roy didn't see Maes outside of work for a whole year since the announcement. Maes’ whole world was his family. Roy’s whole world was work. They lived in parallel with the only common factor linking them being wonderful and dutiful Riza Hawkeye. Roy was again in debuted to her, for helping him keep the man he loved in his life.

They finally got back to being drinking buddies once Elicia started going to a daycare sort of thing. She was old enough to be out of the house, Maes didn't need to be around all of the time. He finally had once a week to spend an hour of his time with Roy.

Even after all the years and pain that had passed between them Roy was still inexplicably in love with his best friend, Maes Hughes. Every interaction was pain for Roy, but it hurt less than the lack of contact for two whole years had.

That's when the Elric brothers crashed into his life. Roy saw Edward Elric as everything he could have been if he hadn't been a human weapon in a war. Alphonse Elric was a an actual shell but he was still optimistic and willing to do anything to help the people he could.

As Riza likes to point out at some point Roy took these boys in as his own. Spitfire and rage, Ed, along with soft and caring, Al, adopted by sad and broken, Roy. What a mixed up group of people. Just as Roy was starting to build a real life, not some sort of play game he did outside of work, he lost the first thing that ever mattered to him. Maes Hughes.


End file.
